Tears of Pain

May 4, 2010. I cried leaving the office yesterday, tears streaming down my face, which I couldn't control.  I was not sobbing, but it was the only way to release the pain I was feeling. I had my sunglasses on. I didn't want anyone to see, as I was leaving the office.

As I'm walking to my car, one of my coworkers runs up beside me and asks, "How was your day?" I held back the tears, and said, "Fine, really busy".

As I got in my car, I still choked back the tears. I told myself wait until you get home. By the time I got home, I let the tears flow. I feel helpless, I'm planning on retiring at 60, but how can I keep going like this?

At work, I can never just get up from my chair. I have to slowly stand and kind of re-align myself.  I always do this when no one is around and have kept this to myself.

I am an attractive 56 year old woman.  I have wonderful family and friends. I had a very active life at home and at work. Then last October, early in the morning I tried to get out of bed, but I couldn't move.  The pain shot through me like a knife. I didn't know what was happening and so the story goes, hospital emergency etc...

I can't believe how it has changed my life. When I am experiencing bad pain, I can't think, or do anything.  I've missed meetings because of this. There are days when I think, "Is my life now?"

I'm a grandmother of beautiful children that I want to be able to spend time with. I'm too young to be in this much debilitating pain. I can no longer ride my Harley any distance. I used to travel a lot. There are days when I feel overwhelmed by this and really don't know what to do.

- Roseann




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